People suck

So I've come to realize that people, in general, suck. They are phony, fake, disingenuous, I think you get my drift. I hate it. I am honest, perhaps to a fault. I tell people what I really think. I try my best to be tactful about it and to not hurt feelings but remain true and real. It's an easier way of life. I don't understand why people choose to behave differently. Because, believe me, it's a conscious choice. No one forces you to be fake, you do it all on your own.

Now there are exceptions to the "people suck" statement. A few rare gems out there who are then considered friends, or at least acquaintances you don't mind commiserating with. I cherish these folks. I find them worth my time and that means a lot to me. I have been through a lot in my life and have wasted too much time on people and things that don't matter. That time is over. I now only want to spend my energy on people and things that truly matter, like my family and close friends. This means cutting some people out and I am OK with that.

NO ONE is worth chasing after. If they don't treat you how you treat them, cut them out.
If they don't fulfil you in some way, cut them out.
If you feel you give more to the relationship then you receive, cut them out.
If you feel worse after having interactions with them than before you did, cut them out.

OK off my soapbox.

It's been a while

Well it's been quite some time since I've written anything, I think it's time to start again. Life has been challenging as of late. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what I am doing or what I want. I love being a Mom but kids are hard. I like having a new job with more "prestige" but my work environment sucks. I am just feeling a little lost.

On a brighter note, I started Weight Watchers. I feel good about actively doing something about my weight. It's super easy to be lazy though and just hope for the best. I am down right now but I know I could be doing better. I need to step up a solid gym routine and plan meals to make my life easier.

I wonder how others do it? As it is my 2 year old hasn't been going to bed till after 9 lately cause time just seems to get away. This is NOT good for him or me. I have always thought of myself as good at time management but not so sure anymore.

Well this post has been a bit of a complain platform but feels good to get it out. Hopefully I will keep this up and have more interesting things to say.

Questions

So a really good friend of mine once told me "Jess, if you look for sh*t, you find shi*t and sh*t stinks". She is soooooooo right. But why doesn't that not give me the pause I so desperately need to take before I dive in and start the search?! I am insecure I guess. Past hurts don't allow me to move on and just enjoy the present moment and my many blessings. It's not a happy place to live in fear and doubt. I feel hurt by people's actions and when I try to discuss that, I just get curt answers or no answers which doesn't make me all warm and fuzzy. I guess bottom line, it's my problem. It's my responsibility to figure out how to forgive and move on. I just don't think I know how.

Frustrating day

So today is a frustrating day. I just dont understand sometimes why people have such a hard time with seemingly simple things. It boggles my mind. I realize I am about 5 months pregnant, super hormonal, and it won't friggin stop raining and that might very well have some impact on my level of frustration.

I need an outlet, some kind of recreation. I have picked up a few books lately which has been great but I think I need some kind of social life. All I do is take care of baby and work, that's it. I know most of it is my doing cause I hate to disrupt my son's schedule as he is very sensitive to change but I think in doing so I have caused all of my "friends" to shy away from even inviting me out anymore. It's sad really. I am a lonely 31 year old soon to be mother of 2, unmarried. Sweet...sounds like a TV movie.

Today is just frustrating.

Not sleeping......

Well today is a very slow day. It seems as though the clock is actually working against me. I can't imagine why? I mean, what did I ever do to time?

Anyway, I haven't been sleeping well with this pregnancy and that doesn't help matters much. While in the middle of the day I struggle the keep my eyes open, literally, when it comes time for my head to hit the pillow at night....wide open. It's rather annoying. I was sleeping in the guest room until Sunday night and to be honest, I was actually sleeping a little better. I don't know if it's the mattress or perhaps having an entire bed all to myself.

That being said, I like sleeping next to my man.....sometimes. Being prego has brought on a temperture aversion and the mere graze of a hot body part against me (foot, leg, hand...) makes me boil over in anger (both from being woken up and from feeling the heat) and causes me again to not be able to sleep.

I guess most would say it will all be worth it when this little guy is born and I am sure I will have forgetten all about this reason for not sleeping since I'll have a whole new set of reasons; however, that doesn't help me today. Well I guess all I can do at this point is try to make it through the rest of this never ending day and hope for the best tonight.

Work Sucks

I understand that work is a place to be productive and to contribute meaningfully to the company by which you are employed, but I feel that you should be able to socialize within reason during the day as well. I was told today however that the BIG boss wants to see NO SOCIALIZATION WHATSOEVER. That really irks me. I don't want to work in a sterile, lifeless environment. Also what about the smokers? They can socialize on smoke break 5 times a day? Does that mean if I want to commiserate with a coworker I have to do it outside with a cancer stick in my hand? So much for all employees being equal. The moral of the story....WORK SUCKS!!

Post Holidays

Well I am back to work after a whirlwind of holidays and travel. I have to say California and the family was fantastic! I am really glad that I went. The baby did well on the plane and only had 1 real huge meltdown on the way home but we managed. There is lots more travel to come in his life so may as well break him in early.

Now that I am back to work and trying to get back into the swing of things I am realizing that my life is pretty boring. As you may have noticed I haven't blogged much lately....well at all really. I enjoy it, it makes me feel good to get stuff off my chest, I just don't have much to say. That reality makes me want to change things.

I know that having a newborn is a full time committment, and trust me it does take up most of my time, but I think I have been leaning on it to allow myself to not do much else. So this year, 2009, I think it's time to turn that around. I need to start to nurture my friendships and take care of my ever growing and changing (for the worse) body. I need to start to do things for myself again, and just figure out how to bring the baby along for the ride. Sounds like a good plan right? Now the trouble starts at execution.....