Friday, December 12, 2008

Christmas time 2

So I finally made a decision and I think it was the right one. I am going away for Christmas to visit my family. I just feel its important to be with the people who love and support you for real, not the ones who say it and don't do anything to back it up. I hate to sound like that but the truth is the truth and it ain't always pretty.

I think the New Year is going to bring some changes for me. I am not happy with the way things are right now so I need to do something about it before it eats away at the very core of who I am. I can no longer allow someone else to dictate my life. I will not keep putting other people before me, other than my son.

Change is coming so watch out.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Christmas time

So it's Christmas time and life is hectic of course.

I am feeling like a real Mom now as my son has started daycare. It's tough leaving him but I know he is in good hands. So our mornings are up early, dressed, fed and out of the house by 6:40. After work is rush to pick him up and then go home and clean up, eat, feed him, play, bath, bottle, bed. It's a nice little routine and strangely comforting to know I CAN do this.

Christmas is always a tough time of year for me as I live far away from my family. Now that I have a family of my own, I know I should be content to stay here and celebrate Christmas with just them and close friends but I'm not. Maybe that makes me selfish, I don't know. I just think that holidays are meant for family and my family is more than just my boyfriend (who I am actually getting along with at the moment) and my wonderful son.

So I have been given the opportunity to go to California to see half of my family, namely my sister and her family and my mom and stepdad. I would need to leave on Christmas day and I am having some hesitation about it. I am feeling guilty for wanting to take my son away from his father on Christmas but at the same time I compromised to leave Christmas afternoon instead of the day before. I want him to join us but money is tight. I am just so conflicted about the whole thing.

My fear is that I won't go and then he and I will fight, as wel usually do when we are alone together for more than an hour, and I will regret staying home. Or that he will fall asleep on the couch, as he normally does when we are home for more than an hour and not fighting, and I will resent him for it and again we will fight. I know I should think positive but this is reality and based on fact and past experiences. I just don't know what to do. I guess I need to make a decision in a hurry though cause Christmas is only 2 weeks away!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, December 1, 2008

Thanksgiving weekend

So my holiday was very nice. We went to some family out of town and the baby got to meet them and it was all very nice. We took pictures of 4 generations: my boyfriend, his mom, his grandfather and of course our baby boy. It was really wonderful. Hopefully his cousin will send us those pictures soon.

Saturday a dear friend of mine was married and everything was just beautiful. She looked gorgeous and the bridal party all looked great and the ceremony was wonderful. All in all it was a wonderful and fun wedding. I am so happy for the couple!